Friday, 23 December 2011

How the real fellowship got started!

Since I am on Christmas break from college which basically means I am sitting around doing very little apart from trying not end up like a popsicle I have very little to write about what with this blog being about my life. So I thought I would write about my teens and how I ended up going from a rosy cheeked, starry eyed child in to a jaded 22yr old with an unhealthy love of Darren Hayes *he is amazing!* and a collection of stuffed I try to send out in to the night to do my bidding :P

In my last post I spoke a little about how things were going for me at home during my early teens, in a nut shell they were not going terribly in my favor. Well school was something else entirely.

To describe my school it looked like the Bastille….. If it was constantly shrouded in darkness, during a heavy storm, the clanking of chains and children’s emanating from it night and day while some mad baron sits atop a throne of skulls, playing with his curly moustache and flicking pennies at poor people. I didn’t have a good time at school.

My school days were mostly spent trying to avoid PE as much as humanly possible as not only was being called a boy humiliating enough most sports we were taught appeared to be nothing more than a simple game of “Cause Jessica As Much Bodily Harm As Possible” all the while spouting homophobic insults at me…  Apparently they are working on making this an Olympic sport. When that wasn’t happening I sat to the back of the room, of course being awesome, but just keeping my head down and listening to music on my headphones. Needless to say the constant fear of being jumped mean’t I didn’t pay much attention to my work, not that the staff understood how I was getting A* grades constantly….

However despite all this one day, lets say in summer because it sounds much nicer, I met a guy who I didn’t know was gonna be the best friend I ever made J

It was in textiles class which to me was simply a chance for me to catch up on what the backs of my eye lids looked like since no one ever asked me to do anything in that class as it only resulted in them wasting materials. Sucked at it then and I suck at it now.  Well that day most people were not working since they all knew a new kid was joining our class, it was such a small school in a small area that this was reason enough for people to be excited. The teacher up front was rubbing her palms together at the thought of another slave to toil in the mines.

Boy was she wrong, suddenly the slow, funkeh jams of Prince’s song “When Doves Cry” filled the air and with an almighty crash a demi God pimp walked in to the room, his long, fur coat being carried by two half naked babes behind him. Walking up to the front of the class he merely tipped his hat and made note of all the girls in the class he planned on adding to his harem, I remember thinking how anyone can pimp walk on 2 foot platform shoes and how the goldfish stay alive, must be the magic of his funk I thought.  Anyways he sat down, clicked his fingers and his ladies poured him a glass of coke in his gold, crunk cup *cool kids don’t drink underage says Aunty Jessica* taking a sip with one hand while weightlifting with a dumb bell the size of an Elephants doodle in the other the girls, and a few guys, stared in a awe at his 12 pac O_O

Actually what really happened was Mark walked in the room, sat down and a few of the popular kids sat talking to him and I thought he was a git…. You see that sounds harsh but I was sat at the back of the class and couldn’t hear what was said, also a few days before I had been walking home when a group of older cornered me and beat me up pretty badly because they thought I was gay. Now for any child being beaten up is a horrific ordeal and I do not want to make out my past is worse than anyone elses but as I blocked their punches and kicks with my face, a brilliant idea, one of my best actually, knowing I was a girl and being nervous around boys as it was due to my dad, yeah it was frightening. So anyone so seemingly accepted by the popular guys was to me, a git and part of the problem. Hey kids are very clickey you know :P

In actual fact Mark was having a pretty bad day himself.  But I think he wrote about that on his blog and Jessica be all about the OC.

Now during that lesson we had to thread a sowing machine and then stitch some denim together, me I moved over to my sowing machine, got out some vintage copies of some game magizines and started reading on Final Fantasy VII and how it looked to be a pretty cool game and the pre-release was getting to fever pitch. Then for reasons I cannot possibly fathom Mark told our tutor that he was pretty damn adept at sowing and threading machines so she told him to show me how to do it. Well, he tried and did about as well as Uwe Boll does at making films…. Then, gave up, yeah he always was this motivated.

After that he passed a few comments on my magazines and asked if he could look through one, being impressed by people with as much motivation towards textiles as myself I gave him one and we got talking about games. Sadly it quickly became apparent he was doing about as well in the popularity stakes as I was, or fortunately since we become awesome friends J I proceded to give him a git by git tour of our year and who its best he stays away from and who will more than likely call him gay since they are closeted *I wasn’t wrong according to some other friends, one who was at one of theirs weddings* and the rest is I guess nerd history.

I wish I could say having a friend made school easier for me but it didn’t, problems at home and at school meant I quite quickly had a breakdown and towards the end of year 8 Mark was having a fair bit of time off himself and I was getting jumped the majority of the time. Seriously even the nerds were more popular than us O_O but at least I had someone to listen to tunes with, I was telling my GF last week actually how due to our dress sense and attitude everyone thought we were hardcore goths and used to make fun of us for listening depressing music in class when a lot of the time we were listening to Savage Garden and Meat Loaf :P It was pretty cool, we were unpopular but we rocked it so damn hard :D were unpopular with style. Eventually it all got too much so my mum rang up school and told them I would not returning to school and I had to wait until I was 16 to go to college. So for a few years I worked on a farm, basically as a slave since I wasn’t getting paid, during this time I started defying my parents and wearing girls clothes, trust me cleaning out a pig pen in high heels is HARD!  And the school sent in to intensive psychotherapy for unusual social withdrawal……. *facepalm*
But me and Mark still kept in touch, I used to walk up to the school at dinner time to chill with him and listen to some tunes and whenever I could stayed over at house. Watching him play Jedi Knight II was always epic. So yeah, I wish it had gone easier but had I not gone through all that I wouldn’t have met such an awesome friend as Mark, and the world would be robbed of one epic Meat Loaf tribute band in the form of Malt Loaf :D and as soon as I figure if me being in a lesbian marriage means I have a best man, maid of honour or something else entirely I will ask Mark to do that…. I don’t know I will probably make up a position for him to have :P something which means he has to beatbox me a speech :)


  1. Well it is your wedding and you get to decide, but I'm surprised you're not jumping at the chance to make me wear a dress. The first story was true and you know it. I don't blame you for thinking I was one of the popular gits. I mean, I was told to hang out with Clarke. The popular kids soon realised how much I failed, and we took the time to get to know eachother and realise we were badass. I never realised just how fun it was that people thought we were hardcore goths listening to music that made us want to kill everyone, when we were listening to Darren Hayes telling us to love everyone, especially him.

  2. It was true but I left out your long, curled locks of blonde that no matter the weather seemed to be blowing in the breeze slightly and smelled of the sea from your long journeys on your pirate boat. Dude I used to hang out with him in primary school, he always wanted to play Star Wars, Darren Hayes knows how he got so popular in the end. Yeah that was funny, and we should love him, even if he is smug, he deserves to be. I know being Darren Hayes is better than that album made it sound LOL

  3. I learnt more about Mark from this post then his whole blog!
    This was quite well written and it reminds me of all the hardships put on kids at school! (which is always a hard thing) Glad you seem to have gotten past it!
    Also you sould make Mark your "Best Person of Honour" and have him dress in one of those outfits that is a dress on one half and a tuxedo on the other half!