The other night I was laying in bed and my phone went off, it was around 2:30am which is not anything out of the ordinary for many of my friends to text me at this time so I wasn’t confused. That is until I checked what the text was, it was from a number I didn’t recognize and was, shall we say, explicit in nature. Also it was from someone who was referring to me as “Ronaldo” and asking me to do something rather explicit. Ignoring as I thought texting back may make the sender feel embarrassed I kept getting them, over and over again, Ronaldo was evidently quite the stud if the messages are to be believed. But I still didn’t reply and tell them they had the wrong number. You would think that would be the end of it as eventually they stopped, but being me I couldn’t help but wonder if I hadn’t participated somehow in the break up of the century.
What if Ronaldo and his “buxom wench” as she called herself were on the rocks, maybe a simple cyber sex session through text was a way to help spice up their marriage that was on its last legs? Perhaps he was a tall, muscular God of a man whom she met on a holiday with friends and became instantly drawn to his charms and could not help but move back to the Uk with him? Perhaps she was there to get over a bad break up and didn’t expect to meet him said Adonis? The heir to a wealthy tycoon family who had picked for her a dull, skinny, bookish man that they thought would help run the company after her father died? Maybe her younger brother had been planning his ultimely death so he could inherit the family but could only get the company if his sister was not married so helped pick someone he knew she could not love! 0_o when they divorced he was happy, her father knowing of his sons dark heart was worried so sent her on a holiday where perhaps she would meet the tropical man of her dreams! Coming back with Ronaldo, an opera singer with a heart of gold and very, very tight trousers, the family rejoiced, except for her brother, Tony, who wore red suits and had a thing for patrolling BDSM clubs with his wife Veronica, they also had a very evil looking cat that seemed to purr when they plotted their evil schemes. I don’t know but I think the cat, Mittens, was somehow the mastermind behind this scheme. Oh Mittens you are as cute as you are evil! As the celebrations went on the couple, with Mittens in tow, went to the drawing room to concoct an evil scheme. What they did was this; they got their friend, Beth, to come on to Ronaldo and throw herself at him, when she did they were looking through a two way mirror and took photos of it. Even though Ronaldo told her he did not want to have an affair he was a trusting type of opera singer/actor who didn’t expect such behavior and was not able to move away fast enough to escape her jumping on top him. When his wife saw the photos she was crushed, he tried to tell her the truth but having a company to run, that is possibly an oil company, she could not risk further events that may become public or need the stress when trying to set up the third world orphanages she plans to build in hopes of easing her conscience at making money from oil. No, she must go the next step of her life with her dear, sultry Ronaldo!
But she could not stay away from him, his brown eyes, tanned skin and accent made him too tempting, after a few midnight meetings on the grounds of her manor house home they began and this was a way for them to have fun while becoming closer. And I, through not wanting to offend ruined it. Believing her to be gone from his life he moved back home never to be seen on British shores again L
Somewhere in an opera house far away Ronaldo is singing a mournful dirge, beautiful as it is no one really knows the truth behind his song!!!!